Ties That Bind Us
by Kayy716
Summary: It doesn't matter who you are, if you grew up on the East side of Tulsa, life was rough. When you're a girl growing up on the East side of Tulsa, you're faced with difficulties that most wouldn't dream of. In your darkest hour, you will truly learn, just how strong your ties are. Who's gonna catch you when you fall? Who's gonna hold you when you lose it all?
1. Introduction

**The Ties That Bind Us**

When you grow up on the East side of town, you find out who really has your back at a pretty young age. You find out who's gonna come when the cards are all laid out on the table and who's gonna be a chicken shit and high tail it outta there. If you're lucky, your folks raised you to fight for what you believed in. If your ma was like ours, you got lucky enough to have a whole gang of brother's backing you up when it's time to prove yourself.

My mother was very close to Martha Curtis for as long as I could remember. My brother, Josiah, and I grew up playing with the Curtis boys. Josiah and Darry were the same age, both smart and super athletic. They were always out in the yard throwing a ball around while our moms sat on the porch drinking tea and chatting about what was going on in life.

I was a year older than Sodapop and though we weren't always close, because at one point girls and boys just didn't get along, as we got older, we found friendship between us, along with Steve Randle. And golly, was Steve Randle the complete opposite of the happy go lucky Sodapop.

My first kiss was when I was twelve and Soda and me were tired of waiting for the right person to come along. Glory, did our mothers chew us out when they found us kissin' in Soda's backyard. My ma gave me a wicked lickin' for that decision. Maybe that's why I stopped caring if guys looked at me funny when I walked around dressed in a leather jacket and baggy jeans, my dark hair cut short and slicked back with grease. Maybe that's why I never brought a guy home. I didn't have time for guys. I was too busy bein' one of 'em.

I remember when Ponyboy was born, my folks had Darry and Soda stay over while Martha and Mr. Curtis got settled with their latest addition. Eleven years later, when my sister Rosemary was born, me and Josiah stayed with the Curtis's while our folks got settled.

The friendship between us grew as we did, getting stronger and stronger each year. While being the only girl amongst a whole gang of boys was hard at times, it made me tough. It made me different from all the other girls in our neighborhood. It made me tough and smart and quick. And it made me careful. Because I was constantly being reminded that I had not one, but two older brothers who would knock someone flat for tryin' anything with me.

* * *

"It is with great sadness," the minister said, his hands crossed in front of him.

Tears welled in my eyes as I held my baby sister in my arms, my mother and father sobbing at my side. The cemetery was filled with people dressed in black. It seemed like the entire neighborhood had come out to see my brother off, though in reality, it was mostly classmates and our gang and their folks.

"A young soul taken far too soon."

"Roxy, why's ma and pa sad?" Rosemary asked innocently. She was only 2. She couldn't understand the tragedy that was surrounding her.

"Josie went to heaven," I told her, trying my best to hold back tears. I had to be strong. For my folks, for my sister, I had to be strong. "God needed another angel."

"But Josie come home, right?" she asked me, turning to look me in the eyes.

"No baby, Josie went home to heaven," I said again, my voice hitching. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Darry giving me a knowing look. We had just been through this a week prior. I had stood beside him and his family as they laid their parents to rest.

"Like Mart'a and Mr. 'Urtis?" Rosemary asked, her innocence so pure in a moment so dark.

"Yes, baby, like Darry's parents," I said softly. I kissed her golden locks before passing her to my mother, who took her in shaking hands.

"If anyone from Josiah's family would like to speak," the minister said, nodding in our direction. I took a deep breath and nodded to my parents. We had prepared ourselves for this already.

I made my way to the front of the crowd, trying my best to keep my hands from shaking while I turned to the crowd of people staring at me with sad, sorry eyes.

"Josiah was and always will be an amazing big brother," I started, my voice shaking as I spoke. "He was strong, and brave, and smart. But he was too brave for his own good sometimes. He was too stubborn, too careless. If you were to ask our friends, they would say he was always laughing, no matter what life threw at him. But Josiah Adam Davis was only truly happy when he was testing fate, testing his limits, beating the odds. Josiah went out doing what he loved most. He loved the danger that came with rodeo. He loved the thrill. He sought it out. And he would want us to remember him for his wild spirit. He would want us to remember him as the young, wild child he was. So don't cry for my brother. He went out the way he wanted to. He went out following his dream. And while god took him home far too soon, he got to go out with a smile plastered to his face."

I took a deep breath and placed my hand on my brother's coffin. "You wild dog, you," I said with a sad smile, the tears falling freely from my eyes. "Watch over ma and pa."

The rest of the funeral went by in a haze. I drove my parents home before taking Rosemary over to the church, where the minister had insisted on holding the wake, since my folks weren't up for the unnecessary attention. Since I was sixteen and old enough to 'handle it on my own' as my father put it, I was the one left dealing with all the people who kept saying how sorry they were or how lucky we were that we had our folks.

"You're lucky to have a strong family behind you," one of the older church ladies said as she handed me the millionth casserole we received. "Your mom and dad must be crushed. First your mom loses her closest friend, now her son, glory bless her soul."

"It's been a rough couple weeks," I said with a nod. I was tired of being reminded of just how awful the week had been.

"Wanna beat it outta here?" Dallas Winston, one of Josiah's old rodeo buddies and a friend of the gang, ask when he saw me trying to escape the crowd.

"Can't," I said sourly. "Too many people are passin' my sister around."

"I'll handle that," Soda said. Somehow, despite everything he and his family had been through in the past week, he was still trying to keep that happy go lucky attitude alive.

"Can you and Darry keep her in eyesight for a minute or two for me?" I asked. I needed to get outside and clear my head.

"Sure thing, Roxanne, want me to try an' get her outta here too? Take her back to our place? Let these old birds talk 'emselves out?"

"Sounds like a mighty fine plan," I nodded. "Can I borrow Steve? Dally here ain't got wheels and while I love admiring the pretty leaves, I'm not feelin' a hike and a half today," I added. Dally didn't have Buck's T-Bird with him and I didn't have my folks car, seeing as I rode back with Darry when I dropped off the car. My ol' man said something about needing it after he got my ma calmed down.

Soda nudged Steve who shoved his hands in his pockets and led the way outside. I shot a sad smile to Soda who hurried off to free my sister from the overly touchy hands of the older women. Once I made it outside, I lit and weed and leaned against the hood of Steve's car.

"It's funny how people only notice you once you're dead," Dally said, a faraway look in his eyes. While Darry was once Josiah's closest friend, I knew in the recent weeks, my brother had grown close to Dally and often found himself in trouble with him. "Your brother, he always tried to do good, ya dig? He wasn't like the rest of us. He actually wanted to fight the system."

"How's that any different than the rest of us?" I asked. Josiah, Josie as we knew him, was a wild child right till the end. He didn't care about the fuzz or the consequences. He was like our ol' man in that way. He wanted to free himself from the city life and just ride horses.

"Josie knew what he was doin'. I don't get how that damn bronc rolled on him. He shoulda been able to handle it," Dally said, shaking his head. "He coulda won, ya know? He always had it in him."

"I was there, Dallas," I said. I always watched my brother ride. My love for horses came from tagging along with him to the rodeo. I never stuck around after because Josie loved to get blitz afterwards and that just wasn't my thing, but I always showed up to see him ride. "The saddle wasn't tight enough and the bronc went nuts. I don't reckon anyone could have been safe ridin' that one," I added. "Didn't help none that he got himself under his hooves." I couldn't shake the image from my mind. I screamed when the hooves landed on my brother's skull. _Roll, damnit, roll! Don't let 'im kick you!_ I had thought. But it happened too fast. One second he was tryin' to get up, the next, there was blood all over the arena. A pool of blood. In the minutes it took for me to push through the crowd, I was seein' the paramedics pulling the sheet over his face.

"Roxanne?" Steve nudged me, shaking me from my thoughts. "C'mon, let's go get your sister and get you home."

Steve Randle wasn't the caring type. Unless he thought of you as family. Then he was as protective as the rest. I saw Two-Bit giving us a wave as we pulled out of the parking lot. He was trying to put casseroles in Darry's truck. I rolled down Steve's window and waved him over. I could see Soda bouncing Rosemary in his lap in the cab of Darry's truck. She was smiling brightly up at him, too young, too innocent to fully understand what had happened. All she knew was that one of her big brothers was taking extra time to make her feel loved.

"Tell Darry he can have whatever he wants of 'em," I called. "My folks hate casserole."

"I reckon Darry does too at this point," Two-Bit said with a shake of his head.

"It saves him havin' to buy food. My folks will just throw it away," I said. "My pa, he's tired of people feelin' sorry for us already. Said he'd rather it all be over and done."

"Mighty fine guy, huh?" Two-Bit snickered. It was no secret that my ol' man wasn't exactly the kind one. Maybe that's why my ma always went over to see Martha. Maybe that's why she always wanted us to stay close to the boys growing up. Maybe somehow, she knew we would need that kind of stubbornness and tuffness when we got older.

Or maybe, just maybe, she somehow knew, that one day, we would need to rely on our roots to keep us grounded when the world came crashin' down around us.

* * *

 _A/N : I decided to scrap my other fic as it was getting to be too frustrating to write. Instead, I decided to take a totally different approach. Feedback is always appreciated and I can't wait to see what direction this one takes. My main goal is to balance the relation to the gang and the 'distance' so it doesn't seem too unrealistic! Here's to giving it another go!_


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The months following my brother's death proved harder than I could have ever imagined. My mother slipped into a deep depression, leading to her locking herself in her bedroom, drinking away her sorrows every day. She stopped being the loving, kind woman I had grown up knowing and turned into a cold, cruel, nightmarish woman who couldn't be bothered to raise her young daughter. More times than not, I would take on the role as mother to my baby sister, who looked to me for everything.

My father, on the other hand, had lost his job at a local factory only weeks after Josiah passed. He became even more bitter, drinking himself into a dark, dark mindset. He started hitting me more at that point. If Rosie were older, I'm sure he would have hit her too. I was constantly trying to hide the bruises with makeup and long sleeves and halfhearted excuses.

Since I couldn't trust my folks with Rosie, I had to drop out of school. While I was close to graduating with high honors, my family needed me. I'll never forget the day I was told by my principal that I wasn't going to graduate. All the hard work was wasted in the blink of an eye.

When Rosie's 3rd birthday rolled around, I was furious when I found out neither of my parents could be bothered to celebrate. I went out and spent all the money I had saved up to buy her a cake and get her a new pair of sneakers and a new jacket, along with a little stuffed dog that she now carried everywhere with her. It proved to me just how lost my parents were to the addiction and depression and just lettin' themselves be victims to the circumstances life threw 'em.

While that was hard for me to accept, what was even harder was having to distance myself from the gang. Since Rosie was still insanely little, CPS was called the first time my ol' man threw me against the fence and beat me till my face was cut up and bleeding. We got told that one more call like that and Rosie would end up in a girls home. If I ended up in the cooler, Rosie got sent to foster care. And I wasn't about to let that happen.

If you lived on our side of town, you knew rumbles were gonna happen. You knew drunken disputes were gonna lead to people throwing blows and the fuzz would get called. Dallas Winston had a reputation down at the holding center and Steve wasn't much better with his record. Since Darry couldn't risk losing the boys, it just felt safer layin' low for a while.

That was, until my ol' man crossed a line late one cold night.

"Roxanne Raelyn, you're lucky, you know that?" my father's thunderous voice echoed off every wall. "You're lucky your ma and me haven't knocked you into next week for how you've been goin' 'round tellin' the neighbors about all our troubles."

"What are you talking about?" I shot back. I closed my bedroom door, Rosemary safely on the other side of the heavy door. "I ain't told no one nothin'."

"Heard you're workin' at the Dingo now. Heard you went runnin' down there with that no good hood and begged for a job like your life depended on it," he spat. He had a bottle of Jack Daniels in his right hand, his left keeping him stable while he staggered through the house. "Heard you told Darrel's boys how I've been treatin' ya. Heard it from the locals."

"Pa, the last time I saw any of the boys was when Darry drove me to school to sign the papers," I said with a shake of my head. "Haven't seen none of 'em in months."

"Liar," he growled, coming at me. He threw the bottle at my head. I dodged but felt the shattered glass rain over me as it shattered just above my head.

"What the hell," I growled, my back pressed against my bedroom door. I could hear Rose crying inside. "Window Rosemary, window," I hissed. I heard a shuffle and the sliding of a chair. She knew how to climb out of our bedroom window. I kept an overturned crate below it as a step stool so she wouldn't fall. We'd climbed out that window more times than I cared to remember. I knew she knew that if she ran and hid in the small vacant shed just past our back yard, she would be able to hide for me to find her as soon as I got out.

"I'm gonna teach you what talkin' gets ya," my father's drunk voice made the whole house seem to shake. "You'd think growin' up with them hoods ya would've learned already."

"Pa, go lay down," I said, my hand trying to open the door I was pressed against. I cursed internally when I realized Rose must have put the chair in front of it. I was cornered.

"Imma teach ya a lesson, Roxanne Raelyn. I'm gonna show you what all that talkin's gon' get ya," he grabbed me by my throat and threw me against the wall, his hands rough and strong. I tried to fight back but it was no use. In his drunken stupor, he seemed so much stronger than I remembered. He threw me against the wall again, my face smacking off the cold wood. I sank to my knees, trying to protect my face with my arms. He pulled me up by my hair, throwing punch after punch until I was sure I was going to wind up dead. I felt his foot connect to my ribs, the screams dying before they could be heard, every breath painful and weak. He kept kicking me until I was finally at the end of what my body could take. I saw stars as I tried to sit up, my heart racing so hard I was sure the whole house could hear it.

"Papa, stop," I begged. I hadn't called him papa since I was 3. "Please."

"Find somewhere else to live. Ya ain't in school, ya ain't my problem no more," I heard him growl as he spit in my general direction and turn to stomp away. I tried to sit up, my side feelin' as if someone had stabbed me. My vision blurred but I knew I had to get to Rosemary. I knew I had to find her and get her somewhere safe until our ol' man cooled off.

Much to my surprise, when I finally got to my feet, I saw my mother looking at me with sad, troubled eyes.

"Take this," she whispered as she handed me a small bag. I didn't have time to see what was in it. "Bring Rosie back in a couple days, your Pa'll have cooled off by then. Then come by every few days to check on her. I'll try to be a good ma to get. I will. But you gotta be safe too. I can't lose another one of my babies. I can't, savvy?"

"Bye Ma," I said, limping out the back door. I moved as fast as I could to get to the lot. I saw Steve sittin' by the old crate, Rose in his lap.

"Roxy!" She called when she saw me. I tried to smile but my face was swollen. I let myself fall heavily to the ground beside her.

"Have you seen Ponyboy?" Steve asked, giving me a hopeful look.

"Not in the last few days, why?" I asked, sliding Rosie onto my lap. I knew it was weird to see Steve in the lot this late.

"Him and Darry got into it two nights ago. No one's seen Pony since. Was hopin' he'd turn up, so figured I'd keep near the lot. Soda and Darry are devastated," Steve explained.

"What happened?" I asked, stroking Rosie's hair. She was tired, it was late, and I was feelin' awful, but Pony was everyone's kid brother and when one of us go missin', the whole gang notices. I was suddenly mad that I kept away from the gang for so long. Maybe if I had stuck around, maybe if I had been there, things wouldn't have turned out like they did.

"Darry hit 'im," Steve said, getting to his feet. "Pony took off with Johnny. Have you seen the paper?"

"No, I haven't seen much of nothin' lately," I admitted. I had been working the Dingo every night until closing time and was home with Rosie all day, so I hadn't seen much of anyone. Even when I was working the Dingo, I wasn't paying much attention to the riff-raff that came in.

"They killed a Soc," Steve said cautiously. "Guess Dally helped 'em get outta town, Soda saw Pony's shirt over there," he added. "Seen Dallas lately?"

"Not since we had to throw 'im outta the Dingo when Tim started in on 'im," I said. "C'mon, it's too cold for Rosie to be out here," I wanted to scoop her in my arms, but my body was achin' something fierce. "'sides, the boys prolly need us," I added.

"Yeah," Steve nodded. We walked slowly back to the Curtis house. It took longer than it normally would have, since Rosie was cold and tired and my body was startin' to bruise in all the places I was kicked.

"Glory, what happened?" Darry asked when Steve held the door open for me and Rosie. I waved my hand as if to say if could wait before I laid Rose on the couch.

"Sleep, little filly," I said gently.

"I love ya, Roxy," she said sleepily. "Are we safe here?"

"Ain't no one gon' hurt ya here," I reassured her. It was the truth. The Curtis house was always safe. Martha and Darrel never hit none of the boys. They were too good of people. The Curtis house was one of the few houses where ya didn't hear about the kids gettin' lickin's every day. At least that was, up until recently.

I walked into their bathroom, feeling right at home. I heard Steve telling Soda and Darry what had happened as I was trying to stop my busted lip from bleeding. I washed the majority of the blood from my face before joining the trio in the kitchen.

"Why'd ya hit Pony?" I asked coldly. His folks would have rolled in their graves if they knew.

"He came home at 2 in the morning," Darry said with a sad shake of his head. "I didn't mean to…I really didn't. He had me so worked up….he never uses his head….I was worried sick 'bout him. 'Course now I'm even more worried…"

"I know," I nodded. When I was thirteen I stayed out all night with a group of kids my brother didn't approve of. Came in at 5 in the morning and he smacked me so hard I saw stars. But it was better than my ol' man catching me. Pony wasn't like me or Johnny or Steve. He grew up in a safe, loving house. He was golden, good, innocent. Or at least mostly so. Sure he got into trouble, sure he fought like the rest of us, but he wasn't cold. He wasn't cruel or full of hate like Steve. He wasn't cold and fearless like Dally. He wasn't tryin' to joke his way through life like Two-Bit did and he surely wasn't scared and beaten down like Johnny. No, Ponyboy was too good for any of that.

"You gon' be okay?" Soda asked, nodding at the bruises that riddled my face.

"Nothin' I ain't dealt with 'fore," I admitted. "I'm gonna look for Dally, see if I can't get 'im talking."

"Good luck," Darry sighed. "Been tryin' to work it outta him since the day before yesterday," he added.

"Never know," I shrugged. "Can Rosie sleep here?"

"Sure," Soda said before Darry could object. "I got 'er."

"Thanks Soda," I smiled. I left quickly after that. It felt so foreign, sitting around with the gang. I missed it. But with Pony and Johnny missing, the tension was thick. Darry was blaming himself, Soda wanted to cry and Steve wasn't sure what to do to make his best friend feel better. You could tell none of them slept much since they vanished.

I was walking towards Buck's when I heard the familiar rumble of my father's old pick up. I turned and saw him staring dead at me, before I saw him turn towards one of the few bars that stayed open late. I shook my head. When did life get this messy? When did we lose touch with humanity?

Maybe I was naïve for ever thinkin' there was good in the world. Maybe I was naïve to think that after Josiah died, we'd be okay. Maybe I was just kiddin' myself when I thought I could keep my folks from losing it. The only thing I was sure of, was from that day forward, I wouldn't care if I risked Rosie endin' up in a home. It would be safer than our house. She'd be away from our folks, the people who were supposed to love her and protect her, yet they didn't do none of that. I knew from that day onwards, I was gonna stay true to my roots. I was gonna stay loyal to the gang. 'Cause sometimes being the only girl in a group of guys was exactly what was needed to get the job done. Besides, at 17, I was built stronger than most of the greasy girls. I was stronger, thicker, and could throw a punch. I was thinkin' about the time Red, the stable hand, told my brother I could have passed for a guy if I didn't have long hair. I remember I ran home that night and cut it short. I wore it short ever since.

All those thoughts and more were running through my head while I made the long walk down to Buck's. At the time, I didn't realize that that was my minds way of getting through everything. That was how I coped. But I didn't know that back then. All I knew was I was on a mission to find Ponyboy and Johnny before Darry and Soda lost their minds. Lookin' back, I wish I had paid more attention to what was going on in my head. I would have realized an important detail had I been listenin' to my gut for a change.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Dallas Winston was too good at keepin' his mouth shut about Ponyboy and Johnny's whereabouts, but he promised me that as soon as he thought it was safe, he would take me up to see them. I think in a sense, he knew I didn't have no one to go home to other than my sister, and knew that a trip away from the city would be a good change of scenery. While Dally was never the carin' type, he always knew when someone needed to get away. Maybe that was his sliver of humanity.

I didn't get to see that day though. Instead, I was staring at four walls in an old cell, my hands bloody and bruised. I had gotten hauled in for breaking my old man's jaw when I tried to take my sister home the next day.

" _Pa, I can't be hopin' couches with Rosie with me, you know the state checks in weekly, unannounced," I explained as I held my sister on my hip, my mother's sad eyes peering through the crack of her bedroom door. "Ma said to bring her back once you had a chance to cool down."_

" _You wanna act like an adult, be one!" My father's angry voice growled. He went to shove me back, instead shoving Rosemary, causing her to slip from my grip and hit the ground. While she was fine, the scream she let out sent me into a fury. I threw my father against the wall, punching him square in the jaw._

 _The fight went back and forth until one of the all too nosy neighbors finally got fed up and called the fuzz._

"You're gettin' bailed out," the officer said dully from his seat behind the big oak desk. I had spent four days in the cooler. "Curtis said he'll be down with the money in an hour."

"Which one?" I asked, my eyes widening. While I used my free call to call Dally, who wasn't at Buck's when I called, I had asked Buck to see if Darry could bail me out using the cash my mother had given me the night we left. She had left a hundred dollars, a change of clothes and my brother's prized blade in the bag.

"The older one, I reckon," the officer said. None of the cops cared to keep a broad locked up. Especially when he learned I was acting out of self-defense. But my ol' man had been resilient. Even when my sister got sent to a home, he swore it was all my fault. My bruised face and cracked ribs told a different story. Maybe that's why the officer took pity. Or maybe he was a crooked cop and just wanted somethin' else out of it. God knows it wouldn't have been the first time _that_ happened.

I waited patiently to be let go. As soon as the paperwork was filed, the officer unlocked my cell, giving me a sad smile.

"If ya ever wanna turn your ol' man in, give me a call," he said with a nod. I nodded and head into the waiting area. Darry was standing there, arms across his chest, his eyes tired, but looking far more relieved than I expected.

"Ponyboy's home," he said as soon as he saw me. I smiled and nodded, thrilled for some good news. "But Dally and Johnny got hurt," he added. As we drove back to his house, Darry filled me in on what I missed while I was locked up.

It was a Saturday and there was a rumble scheduled for that night at 7. I asked Darry to drop me off at the hospital so I could pay Johnny and Dally a visit. He did so without hesitation. I'm sure he wanted to make sure I got to say goodbye to Johnny just in case he didn't make it.

First I went to see Dally, who was lookin' rough but ornery as ever.

"Good ta see they sprung ya, Foxy Roxy," he chided. He was one of the few who got to use my petname. "Your ol' man did a number on ya."

"You ain't a'woofin'," I said as I sat in the chair next to his bed. "I reckon you're gettin' out one way or another tonight?"

"Ya dig real good," Dally nodded. "Have you seen Johnnycakes?"

"Not yet," I admitted. "You think he's gon' make it?"

"They said he's real bad," Dally leaned back, his eyes fogging over. "I don't right know."

"I'll see 'im," I said softly. I planted a kiss on Dally's cheek before leaving the room. Dallas Winston was a good guy when he wanted to be. He just had too much hate for the world. He'd seen too much, done too much, and didn't know what he wanted outta life. Maybe he did. Dallas Winston was a wild card. You never knew where he was going to wind up next.

I walked down the hall and peaked in Johnny's room. He looked awful, face down, his back wrapped in tight bandages. I was about to walk in when a nurse stopped me.

"He just fell asleep," she said softly. "I can tell him you were here?"

"Tell him Roxy sends her love," I said with a nod. "Tell him to get better real soon. That we all need him."

"You are aware that he's not doing too hot, right?" she said softly, her tone barely a whisper. "His doctor isn't sure if he-" I cut her off.

"Tell him we need him," I said before turning to walk down the hallway, my heart breaking into a million pieces.

"Tonight's for you, Johnnycakes," I vowed.

I made it back to the Curtis's house by the time the sun started to set over the trees. I had spent the day wandering around, wondering if I wanted to show my face at home long enough to grab a change of clothes or if it was worth trying to call the social worker to find out my sister's whereabouts. I decided against both. Considering my mile long record, there was no way the social worker would give me any information and considering I wasn't feeling great to begin with, I didn't need another lickin' from my ol' man right before a rumble.

"Maybe you should sit this one out," Soda said lightly when he saw me looking at my bruised side in the mirror after I had showered and washed all the grease and grime from my skin.

"We're already down people," I reminded him. Several of the guys in Shepherd's outfit were sittin' in the cooler, his brother was in the reformatory and we were down Johnny and possibly Dallas. Plus we were down Josiah. Josie and Darry normally made up for anyone we were missing. But that was then. "'Sides, I need to get my frustration out somehow," I added coolly.

"You're lookin' pale," Soda said gently. I knew he was worried. He was thinkin' about what could happen if the closest thing to a sister he had got hurt.

"I'm good, ya dig?" That was the end of that.

We were all sitting around trying to pass the time when Ponyboy finally came strolling in at 6:30. I glanced at Darry, who looked ready to start in on him but quickly changed his mind. I went outside and sat on their porch, a weed in one hand, my old journal in the other. I passed the last bit of time writing down everything I could remember about the last few weeks. I used to journal all the time. It was how I got my head straight. But time hadn't been on my side much since Josiah died. I had went to the Dingo on my way back from the hospital and was thrilled to learn I still had a job. That was one less worry. I made a mental note to try and sort out my living situation in the morning.

 _After we settle the score_ I thought. At about 6:45, everyone was jazzed and ready to head to the empty lot.

Soda came bounding out of the house, a smile on his face as he started chanting "I am a greaser, I am a JD and a hood,"

"I blacken the name of our fair city!" I added in, rising to my feet, following his lead. The rest of the gang chimed in, jumping and hollering, all ready for the fight ahead.

"Stick by Pony," Steve hissed in my ear as we approached the lot. I nodded once. Normally I would have stuck with Johnny and Pony, helpin' them take on the smaller guys. That night, we were down Johnny.

As the outfits assembled, I tried to see how the odds were. As expected, Tim was there with what was left from his outfit. The Brumly Bunch was also there. There was another gang not too far off. Tim's gang stood there with stern faces. None younger than fifteen, none younger than nineteen.

"If the fuzz show, book it," Darry told Soda and Pony. "Don't need another reason for the state to try and split us up." They nodded in agreement.

Everyone shakes hands. No one is surprised to see me there. I grew up with our gang and Tim's alike. Tim always wondered why I chose Darry's guys over his. What he didn't know was I loved the lack of structure. I didn't need an organized gang. I grew up with brothers, not partners.

"You get in a tight spot, you holler, savvy?" Tim whispered in my ear. Told you, I mixed with the wrong crowd at one point. I nodded once. I could hold my own.

Before we knew it, four cars pulled up. I started counting. The odds were pretty even. Twenty-one of them, twenty of us. Darry squared off with Paul. They were former teammates. Paul saw me and gave a dirty look. I could almost hear what he was thinking.

Neither one wanted to throw the first punch. They went 'round and 'round until a familiar voice broke the eerie silence.

"Wait!" Dally's voice rang across the lot. Paul didn't pay no mind, but Darry turned to look. That was when Paul took his shot. He hit Darry square in the jaw. The fight was on.

I wasn't surprised when a cocky little Soc decided to try and grab me, but I was faster, smarter and far more agile. For once I was thrilled that I used to dance, way back when I was a little kid. He kept throwing punches at me but I dodged with ease. Finally I backed him into a corner and let out all the frustration. I prolly would have killed him if someone didn't grab me from behind. I tried to free myself from the iron grip, but it was useless.

"Pick on someone your own size," Steve's voice growled. He threw the guy off me and together, we beat him till he stopped fighting.

"Good?" Steve asked breathlessly. He was trying to hold me up, but my knee wasn't workin'.

"Yeah," I gasped. "Cover for a sec?"

Steve covered me while I looked my knee over. Dislocated kneecap. Not my first, certainly not my last. I popped it back, knowing it would kill come morning. I gave Steve a nod before jumping back into the heart of the fight.

"They're runnin'" Someone called out. We cheered. We had done it. We won.

"I gotta tell Johnny," Dally said, dragging Ponyboy with him. I would have followed, but I was too busy trying to pull Steve to his feet. Soda was nursing what looked like a broken nose. Two-Bit was smiling widely, despite the blood pouring from his hand.

"We won," I whispered to no one in particular. I felt my knees give way, the pavement cold and welcoming. "Oh."

* * *

 _A/N: This is the last chapter that really follows The Outsiders. You'll see why as the story unfolds. As I said, I wanted to breeze through the book and get to the original content. The next chapter is really dark, but necessary. Not graphic by any means, just far darker than it was originally meant to be._


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

We were all tending our wounds when we made it back to the Curtis house. I informed Darry that Dally took Pony to see Johnny last I knew, before I started looking the gang over. Steve was nursing bruised ribs, Darry was trying to stop the bleeding in his broken knuckles. Two-Bit had a broken nose. Soda was trying to smile through the pain of a sprained ankle and several smaller cuts and bruises. No one was real bad off, thank heavens.

I was about to sit down and try to nurse my messed up knee when a thought dawned on me.

 _He's really bad,_ Dally had told Pony as he dragged him away. If Johnny died, Dallas would be chasing an early grave. Johnny was the only thing that kid cared about. I made up my mind to walk to the nearby gas station, following my intuition. I needed cigarettes anyway and walkin' would help loosen my leg up.

"Be careful," Soda asked me with pleading eyes. He was worried.

"Gonna find those two and bring 'em home." I promised. A shame really, because it was a promise I never got to keep.

Steve grabbed my hand before I left.

"When you get back, we need'ta talk," he said in a hushed tone. I nodded. I didn't have the slightest idea what Steve Randle wanted to talk about, but if he was stoppin' me, it had to be important. I heard Darry say something to Soda before I closed the door behind me.

I wasn't feeling great, but I let my gut lead the way. As I neared the station, I heard a commotion coming from inside. Then I saw him. Dally was pointing a heater at the clerk, demanding he hand over the money.

"Dammit Dally," I groaned. I slipped around back and called the Curtis's. Darry answered. I could already hear the sirens as I told him to get to the lot, we had to get Dally safe. I hung up and ran inside, my blade drawn. The clerk looked at me with wild eyes. I tried to nudge Dally but he wasn't there. He was physically, but mentally, he wasn't there.

"Jus' give 'im the money!" I growled. I had to get Dally outta there. The clerk handed it over, going on about how he was going to make us rot in jail until we were too old to care about living. I tuned him out while Dally and I made a break for it.

"Johnny's dead," Dally moaned as we ran. I saw spots, my breath catching in my throat, almost causing me to fall over. But I was faster than Dally. Being light on my feet was my saving grace that night. We were almost to the lot when I saw Dally turn around, waving the gun at the fuzz.

"It ain't loaded!" voice called from ahead of us. "They're just kids! Don't shoot!"

The echo of gunshots rang out into the night. I felt one sink deeply into my shoulder and as I turned, I saw Dally go down. My legs stopped working and I face-planted. I scrambled over to Dally, begging god, the devil, whoever was listening not to take him too. I rolled him over, his head now in my lap. His eyes fluttered. He tried to say something but death took him before he could. I felt my body tremble, then I felt anger rise in my chest. I reached for the heater. It wasn't loaded. It wasn't loaded. He was bluffin'. You stupid ass cops killed him over a bluff. As my blood boiled, I realized how badly my shoulder ached. At least the state was responsible for that medical bill. They caused it. I reached for the heater again but this time the same cop who arrested me when my ol' man and me got into kicked it aside.

"Roxanne," he groaned. I knew he was hating the fact he had to haul me in.

"Jus' kill me," I begged, holding my fallen friend as tight as I could. His blood seeped into my shirt, his limp body feeling like a million pounds.

"Michaels, whatcha waitin' for? Cuff 'er?" an older officer barked. The cop in front of me, Michaels, didn't move.

"She's just a kid," he muttered.

"She's 18 now," the other officer growled. "We finally get to charge her as an adult."

"Go ahead," I said, looking up at the cold cop who took another brother from me. "I ain't got nothin' left to lose."

I turned to the gang, my eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry," I whispered. Steve was barely standing, leaning heavily against Soda who shook with tears. Pony looked ready to keel over. Two-Bit was down on his knees, his hand clenched. Darry stood staring off, his eyes vacant. I would have given my entire paycheck to know what was going through his head.

"She's just a kid," Darry said softly.

"Stay strong," I told the boys who had become family to me. "Stay strong and stay safe."

I stood up, my body weak, my mind a mess, blood covering every piece of fabric I wore. I felt the older cop train his gun on me. "I ain't runnin' no more," I said softly, my hands slowly rising above my head. Michaels cuffed me and led me towards the cop car.

"I promise, I'll try to help ya out," he hissed in my ear. Why in the world a cop cared about a greasy girl was beyond me. Maybe he had kids? Maybe he was just one of the honest cops? Maybe he knew my brother. Whatever the reason, I didn't have the heart to thank him. Seein' how he was haulin' me in and seein' how a kid was dead on the pavement.

Dallas Winston wanted to die that night. And Dallas Winston always got what he wanted.

* * *

At the hearing 2 months after my arrest, I got sentenced with 18 months behind bars. I could get off in 10 with good behavior. I could have gotten out with less if I had let it go to trial, but I wasn't stupid. A hood? There was no way the jury would believe my word. So against the advice of my state appointed lawyer, I pled guilty to being an accomplice to an armed robbery.

Darry and Steve showed up for the hearing. They both looked troubled to see my right arm in a sling. The bullet had done more damage than we originally could have thought. Doc said I was lookin' at surgery if I ever got outta the slammer. Said there was a real good chance my arm never fully healed. I wondered where the rest of the gang was. Or rather, what was left of it at that point. I later found out that Ponyboy had gotten real sick after that night. They almost lot him. Soda wasn't keen on leavin' his side no more. Two-Bit grew up after that night. Actually got a real job. Darry kept workin' to hold his family together. And Steve? Steve came to see me every chance he got. Tuesdays and Thursdays were visitation days. Sometimes he would bring one of the guys with him. Others, he would bring letters from home.

"We need you, Roxy," he said three weeks after my hearing. "We need you."

"I know," I sighed, shaking my head. "Couldn't let Dally go down alone," I tried to joke. In all reality, I was hating that kid for getting me in this situation. I was hating myself for trying to save him. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

"You look rough," Steve broke me from my thoughts. "You eatin'?"

"Not really," I shrugged. Ever since I got my sentence, my will to live had slipped away. I'd be almost twenty by the time I got released. Unless I kept my nose clean. Either way, a lot would change in the time I was behind bars. "Found out Rosie got shipped off to a foster home in New York," I added. "They're gon' adopt her." When word hit me about that, I remember all I wanted was to die. I had let my little sister down. I never got a chance to go back for her like I promised. Man, I was good at breakin' my promises.

"Glory, I'm sorry," Steve looked down at his feet. "'Member when I said I had to talk to ya?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm in love with you, Roxanne Raelyn Davis," he started. The guard then let us know visiting hours were up. I couldn't find words to say as Steve stood and walked towards the door, his icy eyes glossing over with tears. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. I wanted to tell him it would never work. I wanted to tell him I loved him too. But I didn't do any of those things. I sat there like a bump on a log, my hands trembling in the cuffs.

Did Steve Randle just confess his love to me?


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Steve continued to come around once or twice a week for the duration of my sentence. When he couldn't Darry would. Sometimes Soda or Pony came too. Two-Bit came a handful of times, cheering me up with wisecracks and actin' like his normal goofy self. My folks never came. Darry told me that the night of my arrest he felt compelled to tell my folks. Found my ol' man passed out in the bathroom, a bottle beside him. My mother died while I was in prison. Darry told me that my father lost it one night and went off on her 'cause no one else was there for him to lash out at. His outburst pushed her over the edge and she killed herself in Josiah's room about halfway through my sentence. Guess it was a good thing Rosie got adopted by some middle class family back East.

Neither Steve nor I said much about his confession while I was doin' time. It just didn't feel like the right place for that kind of conversation. We would make small talk and he would tell me what the gang was up to, but we never really talked feelings. When we did, I found myself shutting down, not letting the feelings out. Feelings got you killed in jail.

Speaking of jail, lemme tell ya, it ain't no joke. If I wasn't tryin' to bargain my way through the drama and rumors, I was protectin' this real small girl, Scout. Scout wasn't a fighter. She was doin' hard time for attempted murder and grand theft auto. She wasn't much older than me, but her build made her look like she was twelve. She wasn't a woman of many words, but sharing a cell with her was easy. I kept her safe, she made sure I had cigarettes and reminded me to eat every now and then.

It was the week of my release when I was surprised to see Steve's father at the other side of the table. He looked down at his hands before looking up at me.

"My son loves you," he said softly. Now, we all knew Mr. Randle was a piece of work. He wasn't the carin' type and while he threw Steve around just as much as the next, he always tried to make it up to him. Why he was sittin' there across from me, I had no idea. "He keeps goin' on how he wants to make sure he's got a place for you, when you, uh, ya know, get out."

"Why, you've got a fine boy on your hands," I said with a chuckle. I tried to sound polite, like my ma always taught me to. "Steve is a great young man."

"Sure is," he shrugged. "Told me to give ya this and said sorry that he couldn't come today. Said he'd be here bright and early Thursday to spring ya though."

"Tell him thanks," I said, holding the small box. I knew the guards had already opened it, the tape torn and sticking together. "Tell 'im to bring my jacket, would ya?" I missed my jacket. Mr. Randle nodded before being escorted out by the guards. I was still baffled when I was led back to my cell. Mr. Randle and I hadn't had a conversation in the entire time I've known him. He never paid much mind to me, even when I was lounging around with his son way back when we were little. To this day, I'll never understand why he made the trip down to drop off the package. Steve coulda left it with the guards at any point.

"No pretty boy today?" Scout asked, referring to either Soda or Steve. She thought they were both 'dolls' and 'cool cats'. She was a strange one when she did open her mouth.

"Naw, prolly workin'," I shrugged. I remembered Steve saying he was picking up more shifts at the DX as of late. "'Sides, in less than 2 days, I'm finally free."

"Permittin' you keep your nose clean," Scout smiled. She was alright. She really was. "What's that?" She nodded towards the small package I held in my hands.

"Dunno, dunno if I wanna know," I said truthfully. I sat at the edge of the bed, debating on whether or not I should open it. Finally, curiosity won and I opened the box, my eyes widening at what was inside.

"Glory," I whispered. I pulled out a silver ring. It was beautiful. I faintly remembered seeing it once before, when I was a little girl. Steve's mother had worn it at one of Martha's potlucks. Believe it or not, sometimes our folks all got together for a potluck. Martha normally hosted them. She loved having people over. Said it kept the good spirits happy. Whatever that meant.

I saw a letter and when I read it, my heart swelled with an emotion I had never felt before.

 _Roxanne,_

 _I know tellin' you like I did prolly messed everything up, but I needed you to know. I needed you to know what I was feelin'. I was scared I wouldn't get a chance to tell ya if I didn't tell ya then. I think I always knew I had feelin's for ya, I just wasn't sure what it meant. You weren't ever like the other girls. You weren't like Evie or Sarah or Jane. You weren't like the greasy girls who didn't care 'bout no one but themselves. You've always been special._

 _I don't know what to say…other than I hope you know that I dig it if you don't wanna be with me like that. If you see me like a brother or somethin'. I'm not good at this…can you believe I had Pony help me? Soda too…They're happy I finally said what was on my mind. Soda keeps swearin' he's got to give you away if we get hitched…glory you ain't said nothin' about it, I don't know what to think…_

 _Roxanne…seein' you get cold in there scares me real bad. You're too good to get cold like Dal. And when you get out, I'm gon' be there to help ya through it all. I swear. You'll see…_

 _Remember that ring? The one with the pretty stone? I asked the ol' man if I could give it to ya, you know, as somethin' to remember the easier days by I guess. I hope you like it._

 _See ya real soon Rox,_

 _Steve Randle_

"I think I just fell in love with my brother's best friend," I murmured. Scout took the note from me, giving a long 'awwww' when she read it.

"I thought Steve wasn't the sappy type?" she teased. "He's a winner that one."

"I suppose you're right," I blushed.

"What? Don't feel the same?" she asked me, looking the ring over. It sure was a pretty ring.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Steve's been a constant lately…but you know he just turned 18 and Uncle Sam is makin' his rounds…I'm just scared of gettin' close and losin' someone else, I suppose."

"Shoot, if you live your life like that, you're gon' miss out on all the good things life has to offer," she said. When did Scout get so Pony-like? "I'm serious," she said suddenly, giving me that motherly look. "Steve seems like a good kid, and you deserve happiness, especially after everything you've gone through. If pretty boy is standing behind it, I'd say go for it. Worse case you split and things get weird."

"Worse case he winds up dead," I corrected her. "Ever notice how the people close ta me get killed or die or get taken away? I can't lose no one else." I hadn't realized I was shouting until she gave me an icy look.

"Ice it, Davis," she said sternly. "Ya can't live like that. That boy loves you somethin' fierce. Shoot, we all see it," she motioned towards the other cells. "Ain't none of us had the same visitor our entire sentence. He's come around week after week to see ya. If that ain't love I dunno what is."

Maybe she was right. Maybe it was a risk I should take. I reckon a lot had changed in the year since my initial arrest. Maybe the cold, hateful Steve grew up? Maybe life made him softer some? Or maybe like he said, maybe he loved me all along and me gettin' locked up made 'im realize it.

I thought long and hard about all that while I laid staring at the ceiling of the old, dusty cell. If nothing else, I didn't have much else to lose. I'd been away for a year. My shoulder was damaged beyond repair. I wasn't gonna be good in a fight anymore. I was 19 and a drop out and had no where else to go. But let me tell ya, my heart skipped when I thought about him. My heart swelled with somethin' I had never felt before.

The morning of my release was when I had my mind made up. I would give Steve Randle a shot. Maybe, somehow, this was my chance at happiness.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I was due to be released at noon. I was reminded of that when the guard tossed my bag to me. The plastic bag that held what little belongings I had had on me when I was booked. Everything came rushing back at me when I saw my bloodstained jeans, my favorite pair none the less, tucked in the bag. Dally's blood. I felt weak, suddenly aware of just how real everything was.

"Get changed," the guard hissed. "It's quarter to."

"I'm not changing," I said softly. I held up the jeans, showing him exactly why. He nodded and walked off, probably to find me something that was left by any of the former inmates. Sometimes the guards had a heart. Sometimes.

I sat against the wall, my hands shaking. A year ago, I was being hauled in, blood covering every inch of my body. A year later, I was a good twenty pounds lighter than I was then, my shoulder still useless, my arm hanging numbly in the sling. My hair was almost down my back again, falling in loose waves. I was aware of eyes studying me.

I looked up to see a female guard holding a bag. She looked nice, for a no good cop.

"Found ya somethin'," she said kindly. She followed me into the bathroom. Almost as if she thought I was going to try to start trouble or somethin'.

I changed quickly. The shirt was too big but the jeans fit fine. They were faded and wrinkled, but they weren't bloody.

"Keep your nose clean," she hissed in my ear as she led me down the hallway. For the first time in an entire year, I was a free woman. She read me the terms of my release before having me sign a few papers. Reminded me that I couldn't leave the state, that I had to check in with my PO every week and that one wrong move would land me in the cooler to serve the rest of my sentence. I nodded, feeling numb to everything. After she felt she had given me all the information I needed, she told me to beat it before someone changed their mind.

I walked out into the bright sunlight. While we were allowed yard time, I had never taken it. I didn't want to see the sky and know I wasn't out there with my family. The sun felt warm and welcoming. Glory, I had missed the sunshine. I looked around the parking lot, a bit disappointed that I couldn't find Steve. He had promised to pick me up at noon. I peaked through the window and saw the time now read nearly 1.

"Thanks for forgettin' me," I muttered to no one in particular. I didn't wanna wait around so I started to lone it. It would take me all afternoon to get home by foot, but it was better than trying to hitch a ride. I was almost to the Dingo when I heard the familiar rumble of Darry's truck.

"Roxanne!" a familiar voice called. I stopped walking and turned to see Darry waving me over. "Get in."

I didn't say anything as I slid into the passenger seat. I didn't know what to think or say.

"Steve's real sorry he couldn't come get you," he informed me, his voice sounding so familiar yet so different.

"S'kay," I shrugged.

"His ol' man didn't tell you?" Darry asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tell me what?" I asked, turning to look at him.

"Aw, shoot, Roxanne, Steve's number got called last week. Steve got drafted. He left Monday."

I felt like the world had fallen out from underneath me. I barely managed to tell Darry to pull over in time. One second I was listening to Darry tell me that Steve got drafted, the next I was leaning heavily on the side of the truck, puking my guts out. Once there was nothin' left in my stomach, I dry heaved until my legs finally gave out and I collapsed heavily against the truck. Darry was talkin' real soft then. Trying to tell me it was all gon' be okay. That Steve would come home.

All I wanted was for it to be a bad dream. I wanted to wake up in my bunk, have Scout tell me how lucky I was to be gettin' free or how I had to take the leap and give Steve a chance. I was begging for someone to tell me it was all a joke, that Steve was down at the DX with Soda and would be home for dinner. I wanted someone to wake me up from the horrible, awful nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was our life. Right when we think we're about to be able to get something good, life comes in and takes it all away.

"Roxy," Darry said softly, his hand still holding my hair out of my face. "Look at me."

I looked up and saw just how sad his eyes were. He was kickin' himself for telling me. He kept saying something, but my head was a mess. I wasn't aware of how deeply I cared for Steve until that moment. I looked down at the ring on my hand and felt tears start to pour from my eyes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to run away. But I did none of those things. Instead, I laid my head on Darry's chest and cried until there were no tears left to cry. And then I cried some more. I cried until I felt Darry slowly lift me back into the truck and close the door. I cried until we reached his house and he turned off the truck, giving me time to be alone. I cried until the welcomed darkness of exhaustion finally took over and sleep numbed me from the harsh reality.

* * *

"How's she takin' the news?" Soda asked Darry while I stared blankly out the window the next morning.

"Not good," he said softly. "She's a wreck."

"No surprise there," Pony said grimly. "Told ya, one of us should have went an' warned her."

"We all thought that was what his dad was doin'," Soda reminded him. "He said that's why he sent him to see her…"

"Maybe he chickened out," Pony said quizzically. "Think she's gonna be okay?"

"She'll come around," Darry said matter-of-factly. "She's just been through hell."

"We all have," Pony said lightly.

I tried to tune out their conversation. It was too hard to listen to. Them talkin' about me like I was some little kid. Maybe that's how Pony used to feel with Darry. Darry and him never got each other. Soda was their middle man. He understood Pony and could handle Darry.

I took a deep breath and slowly moved away from the window. I was shaky on my feet still. I grabbed my coat off the back of the armchair, smiling to myself at the memories that old torn up jacket held. I pulled it on, carefully maneuvering my no good arm into the sleeve before checking to make sure I had my blade. I did. I left through the front door, saying nothing to no one.

I walked for hours, letting the warm morning sun ease the tension from my bones. I walked down to my childhood home, not the least bit surprised to see it boarded up. I looked at the overgrown grass and pictured a simpler time. A time when kids were runnin' and laughing and we were all just lettin' life lead us wherever the wind took us.

As I walked, I found myself thinkin' back to all the years spent growing up on the East side of town. From the nights spent throwing a ball around, chasing after Josiah and Darry as they sped away, to the afternoons spent cheering my brother on at the rodeo. Sometimes Soda and Steve competed. I was right there in the stands hollerin' louder than the rest. I was their biggest fan. I found myself picturing Rosie, her bright eyes and sweet smile, laughing at something Two-Bit said or giggling at Soda and Steve wrestling. My hands traced the old, rusted fence as tears rolled down my cheek.

The next stop was the DX. I saw Steve's car parked in the garage and smiled sadly. Oh, the memories that car held. From late night antics that often ended with someone gettin' a ticket or hauled in for somethin' stupid, to the deep conversations me and Pony had while waitin' for the guys' shift to end. I wanted to wire the car and speed off into the distance, never lookin' back. I wanted to find Steve and save him from the horrors of this godforsaken war. But I did neither. I kept on walking.

I passed Buck Merrill's place. I stood there staring for a while. Good old Dallas Winston. The world seemed to be a quieter place without him. God what I would have given for a walk with Dallas Winston that day.

I walked until I found myself at the cemetery. Only then did I realize how far I had walked. I weaved through the headstones until I reached that of my mother.

"Ma," I said as I sank to my knees. "Why'd ya have ta off yourself?" There were so many things I wanted to tell her. So many questions I would never get answers to. I cried for a while, letting the emotions finally flow free. I begged her to watch over Rosie, wherever she was. Begged her to keep her good, make her smart, keep her safe. I begged her to bring Steve home to us alive. I begged her to keep him in one piece. Then I begged her to let me join her. I didn't want to live in this dark, cruel world anymore.

Some time later, I heard footsteps approaching me. I didn't have the energy to look up. I waited until I felt a strong grip on my good shoulder. Somehow, Soda knew where to find me. I looked up at his dancing, young eyes. He tried to smile but I could tell he was hurtin' too. Steve was his best friend. He must've been lost without him there.

"C'mon, let's get you home," Soda said and for the first time in a very long time, I realized I did have one thing. I had a home. Maybe it wasn't mine and maybe it wasn't gonna last forever, but it was somethin'. Somethin' to hold onto. Guess maybe that was what I really needed. Somethin' to keep me grounded. I let Soda help to me to feet, but before we could even walk a step forward, I wrapped my arms around his body and sobbed. I let everything out. I'm sure I felt him cryin' too. We stood there, cryin' until the sun began to set over the treetops. We cried until the tears were all cried out and there was nothin' left to do but go home. So we did just that.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 _Roxanne,_

 _I hope this finds you well. We've just completed our basic training. I'm gettin' shipped off somewhere different in two days. I guess we're gonna be in the heart of the war. I hope my ol' man warned you, told you why I couldn't come to see ya that day and why I wasn't there to pick you up…hope he gave ya the ring too._

 _I love you Roxy, you're what's keepin' me goin' out here. Dunno when I can write again, but I swear to ya, I'll write when I can._

 _Tell Soda he better keep ya safe. He promised. Tell Superman to stay strong for all of ya. He's the only one who didn't break down and cry like a blubberin' baby when that damn letter came in. Tell 'im what's on your mind, he'll get ya through it. Keep Pony on track. Shoot, he'll prolly be graduatin' 'round the time I come home. Help him get there. You're the smart one._

 _Oh, and tell Two-Bit if he even thinks about touchin' my car, he's gon' get skinned._

 _Welp, my time's up. Hope to hear from you soon Roxy._

 _With love_

 _Steve Randle_

I read the letter over and over, until I could hear his voice saying it. Steve wasn't the soft one. Steve wasn't the sentimental. Guess time changes things. I wondered if I would ever get a chance to tell him how I felt. I wondered if he would be the same kid he was when he came back. Shoot, he wasn't a kid no more. Neither was I. Funny how much changes in a year.

I found myself dragging Pony to the library later that afternoon. I made him study, even though he'd rather just get lost in a book, while I scored through any and all information they had on the war. I studied maps, tryin' to see if I could figure out where Steve would be goin' next. I read news articles, studied every book that talked about any war, not just the Vietnam.

"Whatcha doin'?" Soda asked later when he borrowed the truck to pick us up. He looked over my shoulder. I was reading the newpaper from the last twelve months. Never bothered with it when I was behind bars.

"It ain't fair," I muttered. Steve shouldn't have even been able to get drafted. He was his ol' man's only son. He could have begged for a deferment. But Steve wasn't no coward. He wouldn't have ever taken the easy way out.

"He's gonna come home," Soda promised, giving me one of his movie star smiles. "He's got to."

"Bet your britches he's got to," I agreed. "Do ya think he's gon' be alright out there?"

"It's Steve Randle you're talkin' about," Soda laughed. "He's gonna come back with a shit eatin' grin on his face. You'll see. He's too cocky not to. It's only gon' be for a year anyway."

I nodded. I had read that in the paper. They rotated them out every year. This way they had a goal. They knew they had to make it 12 months then they'd be home.

Glory, it was going to be a long 12 months.

* * *

As the first three months passed, I found myself tired of not having no where to be. I wanted to beg for my job back at the Dingo, but it didn't feel right. The old, dirty diner didn't feel like somewhere I belonged without Dally and Two-Bit comin' in and out. I wanted to try and score a job down at the supermarket, but that meant being around too many people. The way would have been better, but I didn't want the headache of dealing with people all day.

So I settled in with working down at the stables. The stables always needed mucking and Red, one of the lead stable hands, was always looking for help. It was a long drive every day, but I would find a way there and back. It was better than nothing.

"Can you muck with that arm?" he asked, eyeing the sling. The doc had told me it was better to keep it in the sling, even though he didn't think it made much difference. While I could use it for simple tasks, it wasn't strong enough to hold weight. I had learned to manage without it though. Only used it when I had to write and the only person I ever wrote to was Steve, so it wasn't that big of a worry.

"Sure can," I lied through my teeth. I would find a way. At least this meant I could be alone with my thoughts when working.

"Let's see how ya do today, sound good? If you do good, maybe I can put ya on," Red agreed. He knew losing Dallas and Josiah so close together had messed with my head. He knew I loved horses and horses sorta loved me. So for once, I let someone pity me.

I spent the next 7 hours mucking stalls, turning horses out, refilling water, shining tack, and moving hay. It was hard labor, but the pay was decent and it kept my mind off everything for a while. While I wasn't supposed to be forcing my shoulder to work, I had managed to get it to bear a little more weight than usual.

"Glory, she's faster than the lads," another stable hand commented to Red. "I like 'er."

"She's a good lass," Red nodded, not realizing I could hear everything they said from where I stood by the tack room. "She's been through a lot too. Lost her brother, that hood Dally, another kid she grew up with, and her ma all in the same year. She was close with Sodapop's folks too. That's a lotta death for a girl her age."

"Reckon you gon' hire her on?" the other kid asked.

"Prolly," Red nodded. "May as well. 'Sides, I think she can ride."

"No kiddin'. She ride rodeos?"

"I ain't ever recall her bein' in one, but her brother coulda made it big if he didn't get killed. Maybe it runs in her blood," Red shrugged.

"Ain't ever heard of a girl ridin' rodeo 'fore."

"There's a first time for everythin'," Red said coolly. I pushed away from the wall and walked over to them, startling them as I approached.

"Quittin' time Davis," Red nodded. I waited patiently for him to continue. I knew Two-Bit would have a cow if I didn't have his car back to him soon. "How ya feel about bein' part of the team? You seem to manage well with just one arm."

"Am I hired?" I asked tiredly.

"Sure are," he nodded. "Be here bright an' early tomorrow. Give me a holler if you need a ride, I gotta couple lads goin' in for a run early so they can come by if you need a lift."

"Sounds mighty fine, Red, thank you," I shook his hand before heading towards Two-Bit's car. I got in and pulled out the gravel drive. It would take me a good hour or so to get back home, but I wasn't too worried. At least I got the job. That was something.

Halfway home I became overly aware of how worn out I felt. We hadn't gotten another letter from Steve and I knew that was eating at me, but I was sleeping here and there. It didn't make sense to be so tired. I brushed it off and kept on driving. If I wasn't home by the time Darry walked through the door, I knew he'd have half the town looking for me.

I made it home in one piece, but as soon as I pulled the car to a stop in front of the house, I realized that something felt wrong. Really wrong. And not the 'I'm coming down with something' kind of wrong. This was a deep in my gut, something wasn't right.

I stared at the house, trying to figure out what was eating at me. Before I had half a moment to really try to think, I saw Soda come out of the house, looking like he had seen a ghost. What came next, I never expected.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I felt sick. I felt like my entire body was going to cave in on itself. The ground blurred in front of me. I leaned heavily against the car, my hands trembling as I read the letter over and over again. Words like 'missing' and 'prisoner of war' and 'hostage' stood out. I turned away from Soda just as my stomach heaved. I couldn't breathe. My vision clouded. I couldn't lose anyone else. I couldn't. Not again.

"No," I moaned. I kept saying no. Because we needed Steve, I needed Steve. We couldn't lose anyone else. The Gang? They couldn't handle another loss. I couldn't handle another loss.

I was aware of how bad I was shaking. I felt like someone dropped me in the ice water and left me there to freeze. My stomach churned over and over again, drive heaves wracking my body. I tried to focus, tried to pull myself out of it, but it was no use. I stopped fighting. I welcomed the clouded, uneasy feelings that plagued my brain.

I wasn't aware of being led into the house until I heard Darry tell someone to grab a cloth. I wasn't aware of what anyone was saying until I felt Darry tilt my face so I was looking up at him. He was looking for something. Prolly some sign that I wasn't checking out. But I was. I felt completely lost. Like someone took my world and turned it inside out.

"Roxanne?" I vaguely made out Soda's worried tone. I couldn't respond. There weren't words for what I was feeling. "Rox?"

I felt someone shaking me, begging me to say something. Begging me to tell them what was going on in my head. But there just weren't words to explain it. I felt everything and nothing all at once. My stomach was doing flips so fast, I was sure I would be sick all over the worn out carpet that laid at my feet. My head felt like it was going to explode. At the same time, I felt nothing. I felt absolutely nothing.

"She's in shock," Darry's concerned voice almost broke through the haze. Almost. Then there was silence. I welcomed it with opened arms. The silence, god did I need the silence.

* * *

It took a long time for me to fully accept that Steve was probably never coming home. The first few months were hard. I vaguely remembered Darry driving down to the stable to explain what had happened and him then telling me Red said my job was waiting for me whenever I was ready to come back. I remembered Soda asking Darry every day if they should take me to see a doctor. Darry insisted that I would snap outta it, that I would come around, I just needed time.

Darry was right. Somewhere around four months after we received the letter that Steve was missing in action, I finally accepted that I would never see his icy blue-grey eyes again. I accepted that I would never hear him laugh with Soda again. I accepted that I would never get a chance to tell him how I felt.

I forced myself to get through each day, one after the next, the crippling depression always threatening to eat me alive. The day I turned 20, I fought in my last rumble. I had promised myself once I was 20, that was it. No more fighting. And I held true to that promise. Oh, for once I held onto a promise. That night I fought like my life depended on it. I fought for Josiah and Dally, Johnny and Steve. I fought so damn hard for Steve. So hard, that by the time the Soc's ran, we had taken every ounce of frustration out on them. Soda was cheering happily. He had just turned 19. He wanted to get a good rumble in before his number got called. He'd gotten lucky, he made it a year and his number hadn't been called yet. Ponyboy was turning 17 that year. Graduating in June with honors. He had pulled himself together and put his nose to the books every night to make Darry proud.

Darry didn't fight with us that night. At 23, he no longer took thrill in the fighting. He didn't want us to fight but he knew we would. We had to, we had to fight.

I went back to work at the stables. Mr. Randle had told me to use Steve's car. Said it was better than it sitting in the garage rotting away. That was the last time we saw Mr. Randle. I guess losing his son was what finally pushed him over the edge. Word reached Darry some time later that he drove his car onto the tracks and died. Guess the ol' bat couldn't take it anymore.

I kept every day as routine as possible from then out. I drove out to the stables, making it there by 7, 6 days a week. I worked till 3 or 4 then drove back to the Curtis's house, which had since became my home. When I got home, I threw dinner in the oven, this way Darry had one less thing to worry about. After everyone was fed, I'd clean until I was tired enough to sleep.

I didn't say much to anyone. The silence held me together. Sometimes I'd help Ponyboy with his homework, sometimes I'd go out with Soda and Two-Bit and catch a movie at the nightly double or we'd go to the Dingo and socialize for a bit. As another year came and went, I stopped doing that too. Deep down, I didn't want to give up hope. But we knew the reports. We saw it on the news or in the paper or heard people talking about it. If Steve was a prisoner of war like the army kept saying he was, the odds of him coming home were slim to none. And those odds were devastating to accept. Soda grew cold. After the 2nd year passed, Soda started to hate the world. Happy, grinning Sodapop started chasing trouble. Turning 19 didn't help none. He waited until Ponyboy's 17th birthday to tell Darry he was enlisting. Said he couldn't bear to wait for his number to be called. He said he wanted to get it done with. To stop worrying about when he would lose everything. Said it was easier for everyone that way. None of us believed him. We all knew he wanted to find Steve. Maybe he believed he could.

Two years after Steve was drafted, Sodapop said his bittersweet goodbyes and boarded the train. We were starting the cycle all over again. 12 months. 12 months and Soda would be home.

"You gotta stay alive," I hissed as I hugged him with all my might. "Promise me you're gon' come home."

"I promise," he nodded, tears in his eyes. "And I'm bringing Stevie home too."

* * *

 _Roxanne,_

 _It's August 19, 1970. That means it's been damn near four years since they….since I got caught…I hope you didn't give up on me. Everyone else prolly did. I'm not dead. They found me. They found me and they said I can come home. They said as soon as they patch me up they're sending me on the first flight home._

 _I don't know if they're gonna mail this to you…I dunno if they even care to….If they do…tell the gang I'm still kickin'. Tell Soda that I didn't go get myself killed. Tell 'em I'm coming home._

 _I'm in a bad way right now. It might take a while, but I'm comin' home. I promise ya, I'm coming home._

 _SR_

I looked at the calendar. Soda only had weeks left to his tour. We had been getting letters every few weeks since he left. God, those letters kept Darry and Pony from going crazy. Soda had gotten lucky. While he spent a lot of time out in the field, he always got back safe. He wouldn't tell us what he saw or what he was doing, but he always told us he was okay. Always said he was going to make it home.

"How many days left?" Pony asked me. I turned, not aware that he had walked into the kitchen.

"Less than a week," I smiled at him. "Less than a week, and Soda'll be home."

"You got mail," Darry said as he walked into the kitchen. He tossed a letter on the table. It didn't have a return address. I hesitated. I always hesitated.

I finally found the courage to open the letter. When I did, I felt my knees give way. I slid onto the cool tile, my heart racing.

"Roxy?" Pony asked gently.

"It's Steve," I choked out. "Steve's alive."

They say you don't get to choose your family. They said that you have to keep your head low and keep on fighting. We were raised on the wrong side of town. We lost a lot over the years, but those years brought us closer. Darry, Soda, Pony, Two-Bit and I had grown to lean on one another when times got rough. Every time life threw us a new obstacle, we learned to hold onto one another, because we were all we had.

My mother always told me to keep my friends close. That one day I would learn that they were all that kept me grounded. That they would make the difference between living to die and really enjoying living. That they were the ties that bind us.

Glory, ma, after half a decade, I finally think you were right. Me and the gang? No matter what happened, we had each other's back. Through good times and bad times, we were, the ties that bind us together.

 **To Be Continued….**

* * *

 _A/N: I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and review this story! I have decided to end it here, because I wanted to take a different approach with the homecoming scene, etc. I promise, book two will be up before you know it! I hope everyone enjoyed this one, even though it was short!_


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